It Is What It Is

Reb is very much upset with me - I ruined this day, this Monday, which was already bad enough because, after all, it is Monday.  She had a dentist appointment and, shock of all shocks, she had a cavity.  The dentist offered to fill it today, there were a few cancellations, so I said sure, why not.  That prompted a hush your mouth look from Rebecca.  Hey, she's the one who cultivated the cavity.  I just nagged her about brushing and flossing and wearing her retainer.  And I was itching to spend $110 on the filling.  I'm a horrible mother.  Horrible. 

I'm struggling with her - not in any real way - not in any crisis or teenage rebellion way - I'm the one struggling.  She's trying to figure it all out.  She's questioning her future and experiencing some anxiety about what decisions she will need to make.  Sometimes that doesn't always translate into action on her part (which contributes to my struggle) but she's pondering and examining and, in typical Rebecca fashion, doing it all on her time table and no one else's.  I've even made her an appointment to see the therapist, just to get a third party perspective, one perhaps she'll be more inclined to listen to as opposed to listening to me.  I'm not always too smart, ya know... I've not, after all, ever been in the same position.

I'm struggling though with what's coming.  It's great, don't get me wrong - it's awesome in fact.  There will be exciting rites of passage.  She'll have prom (although she goes back and forth on that one).  There will be senior pictures and picking photos for her senior yearbook page.  There will be her senior year in dance and lots and lots of bittersweet memories headed our way.  I have to prepare myself.  I have to be in the right frame of mind to embrace it all and encourage her and support her as she finds her way.  I get teary eyed sometimes thinking about it but it's ok.  I can do this!  Her life will change and therefore mine will change too.  But this is what a parent works toward... right?  sigh.

Magical

Something magical happened today - something I really never expected to happen.  I got up this morning and Rebecca and I were scheduled to keep the little kids at church during the worship service.  We got ready - went and hung out with the little people and had fun.  We then had lunch with Joshua and Holly - decided to walk so we changed clothes and met up with them.  Joshua and Rebecca only walked part of the way and Holly and I did four miles.  We hung out for a short time at Joshua and Holly's house then headed home.  I had to cook our Sunday dinner and they'd be over in a few hours. I get home and it hits me - at 4:30 pm - that today would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.  I have not thought about it for weeks and today - it just escaped me until late afternoon.  I seriously did nothing but laugh. 

I never thought a day would come that I'd just forget.  I knew it would get easier - and it has - a lot easier.  I just never thought a time would come when the day would totally escape me.  That's so awesome, honestly. 

I've not blogged a lot lately but I've been thinking about it.  I have thoughts, things to explore and I've not had the time to put it all together.  I'll try soon though...

Epiphanies Continued...

Just because someone is honest with you doesn't necessarily mean someone wants you to be honest back...

Huh.

Epiphanies

You fell in love, she said. 

And you know, she's right.

What do you do with it now, she asked? 

I have no earthly idea. 

You mourn it, she said.  You find a way to grieve it and let it go.  It's been over a year - not a word.  It's time. 

But yes, make no mistake, it was love.

Easily...

one of the most beautiful songs ever... post coming soon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0

Self Reliant

There are times it's not so easy being a single woman.  Sure sure sure, you're thinking, being a single woman has to be the most awesomest wondrous thing in the world... and yes, well you'd be right on most fronts but I gotta tell ya, it's pretty rough when something around this place goes wrong.  I could go into details about how, when the ex left, he also left a pretty big mess of unfinished projects, but that's not the point - I only bring it up to say - the ex left a mess of unfinished projects, which makes me feel sometimes like I'm living in a perpetual work in progress.  There are floors without moulding to cover the space between the hardwood floors and the baseboards.  There are three interior doors we replaced before he left the house for good - that left closet doors and the bathroom doors with the same old partical board brown.  The faucets in the bathroom weren't replaced and finished properly.  He didn't run any caulk between the toilet and the floor.  He didn't screw the vents into the baseboards.  Get the picture? 

Well, like I said sometimes things go wrong around here.  The toilet thing - I caulked it :-)  I read about it, bought the proper materials and ta-da!  I have single handedly painted every room in this house.  I think I will check into replacing the vents again - they are looking rough - and this time I think I can screw them into the baseboards.   Joshua has helped out some too - he and I replaced a broken light switch in the bathroom when the toggle part stopped toggling.  He put up a new ceiling fan in his (former) room.  I've called Dad a few times to get advice.  I've even called a plumber when I thought we(thank goodness didn't) have a leak.  I discovered though that the lovely little plumber dude, who came out and checked for me one afternoon, cost $65 for the five minute use of his expertise.

So lately I've noticed a drip. drip. drip. coming from the faucet in the bathtub.   Yeah, awesome.  It wasn't bad... not really... at first.  It started to get worse though... I was catching the water in a pitcher and using it to water the plants on the front porch  and fill the dog's bowl... but it got worse.  I talked to dad and he said it was probably a worn something or other and probably no big deal.  Ok, well today it was bad... started to trickle and trickles are bad news.  I called mom to see about dad looking at it - I unscrewed the handle and looked at it - turning some little plastic thing and finally, some how, some way turning the metal pipe part and making the trickle go away - and then making the drip go away... and now, well at this moment there is no leak.  But Rebecca is showering and who knows what will happen when she gets through.  But hey, me, self reliant me, fixed the leak.  I, of course, no idea what I did, or how I did it but I'll take the fix.  Saved me at least $65.  Yeah me!

Tonight I walked with my buddy, the sadist, and I was telling her about the leak - how on earth could I have fixed it and she said she had signed up for a women's basic intro to plumbing/electrical basics - she asked me if I wanted to go with her.  Uh, yes!  I' d love to!  Pretty great timing on that one huh?  I can't wait!  I need to learn these basics I suppose, especially if I plan to remain so self reliant!  LOL!

The More Things Change...

the more they stay the same eh? 

It's been along few weeks and at some point I will post my thoughts and feelings surrounding all the excitement leading up to the wedding and about the wedding itself.  I'll also post the experience from a divorce point of view too - but really the point of view I have with a contentious divorce, not an amicable one. Sheesh... he continues to be such a tool.

For now though, I'm just sorta shaking my head and smiling.

The birds of love, my dear son and his very new wife, returned today from their honeymoon.  Me, silly mom that I am, expected not to see them for a few days - I mean, why on earth would you want to go anywhere but be in your new house on the day you return from your honeymoon?  But nope, what do they do?  They pop over to my house for dinner, since they didn't have food in their house.  How funny is that?  They just left, about ten minutes ago, and took a load a few more of Joshua's things and some wedding gifts.  But it was fun, to just have them here - to listen to their stories and to talk about the beauty and wonderment surrounding the day. 

We've all started a new chapter.  Rebecca and I have enjoyed the week of solitude... we're settling into it being just the two of us again, and we're slowly realigning how we do things around here.  It's all gonna be ok... perfectly ok... new stories on the horizon.  Me, well, Rebecca is driving now and I'm not needed to chauffeur her back and forth to dance class... whatever shall I do with myself these days?