Long Time

I've not really been neglecting my blog - not really... I've been really busy is all, and I've sorta been, well, kinda speechless. I know... hard to believe but I have been. And also my desktop 'puter is on the fritz and I've been using son's old laptop because he has a new laptop he bought with some of his grad money. Must be nice I say - 'cause I was all ready to go out and purchase myself a new laptop (nothing too fancy mind you, just new and all mine) when sonny boy's car decided to get sick and now what I would have used to buy my computer will go toward making sure he has reliable transportation as he starts a new job - which at the moment might be either a humdrum job or a fantastic opportunity (we're still waiting to hear about the fantastic opportunity). Whew - what a run on long ass paragraph - sorry....

Work has been going really well... I go to Columbia tomorrow for some training and I'm actually looking forward to it - I'm sorta geeky that way - I like learning stuff. I think, where this job is concerned, that I can become really good at it - which, I must confess surprises me just a tiny bit - I never really fancied myself in a "social work" kinda job but that's where I am... and I'm working with children, in a direct, yet indirect way. I definitely have potetial where the job is concerned - and that's a great feeling.

I'm counting down to another birthday - woohoo! Not sure how I feel about that. It doesn't bother me in the respect I'm another year older - limping my way toward my mid forties, just a few more years and I will be there... it's just, I guess, that I know the older I get the more time I've lost in regard to sharing myself with someone. I participated in the celebration of some friends' twenty fifth anniversary... it was a lovely party and I felt happy for them... it was nice to see it can actually happen - two people making it work. But there was a tiny part of me that was envious. Not envious in that I had bad feelings for them, only in so much that I realized I most likely won't reach that milestone. A big part of me is ok with it - sad yes, but ok. Another much smaller part is angry... angry that I got robbed. Not so much really that I wanted to go back there - not so much that I wish I had it all back, but really that I feel like I wasted so much. Time. Effort. Emotion. Trust. Love. And it's sad to feel like I put so much of myself into something that just wasn't, in the long run, viable. It feels different these days, this knowledge. I guess that's progress.

So... that's it - the state of the union. Perhaps sometime soon my voice will come back.