Three More Days!

I have Thursday, Friday and Saturday and then I'm headed to the coast! WooHoo! I have to get through two more days at work, with a lot to do before Friday at 5... I think I can make it, at least I sure hope so. So much needs to get done before I can feel good about leaving and being gone for the WHOLE week. I so very much need this though...

Rebecca and I watch So You Think You Can Dance every week and one contestant danced to this tonight. It got me thinking, which we all know is a bad, bad thing, but habits are hard to break and so I had a thought... and the thought was this: can we ever really live life on our own terms? I guess people do it, and I've certainly tried the last few years, but I'm not sure I'd' call it really living life on my own terms. And here I am trying to teach my children to do exactly that and I wonder if I'm selling them a load of horse crap. I guess in some ways I'm doing it but in others I'm so not... and no matter how I try to do it completely something gets in the way and I'm back at square one again. I'm proud of all I've done and accomplished and given the choice of now and then I'd take now every singe time, yet, well... I'm realizing (?) that it's a lonely proposition and the reality is it may always be a lonely proposition... and I have to be ok with that. I think that's why the song resonated with me so much tonight -

I want a fearless love - a fearless love of myself, of my life... a fearless love of someone else, from someone else. That means not settling, not taking ok or good enough just out of a fear that nothing else can or will exist. I am afraid though.

On a lighter note we've finally been able to procure a driver's manual for Rebecca. It was a tri-county effort seeing as there were none to be found here in this lovely county, so we had folks scouring for us... now she has to study it and if she does I will take her in a few weeks, after her 15th birthday. Oh my, we're hitting another milestone, there's no turning back now... it will all happen so quickly - drivng, dates, graduation, college... am I ready for this? I guess I don't have choice, huh? Oh well, bring it on, we'll have some fun on the way.