Misunderstandings

I hate them, misunderstandings that is... people hear you say something, or see something and they get it all wrong. That's why I like questions and answers. I can ask a question about something I don't understand and then, hopefully, get an answer that clears it all up.

I got to thinking just now that something weird happened the other day - a misunderstanding perhaps, I don't know. I also got to thinking that it's possible my blog caused the misunderstanding - but I'm not really sure. Either way I thought I might write about what I thought, and make myself clear if to no one but me...

I've been feeling very melancholy and once upon a time I found the quotes in my last blog entry that pretty much summed up a feeling I had at that time - this was oh, maybe a year and a half ago... I had a friend, someone very special to me, and I lost my friend and those quotes, well they articulated how I felt and they gave me a tad bit of comfort. Sometimes I think of my friend and I miss my friend very much and it makes me sad all over again... but it is what it is, and timing is a bitch, and should is a bs word. I still think about it though - about loss and possibilities and a dream that once seemed like it could be so real. I walk around that hole, that loss, and I go about my day and I do all those things in life I'm supposed to do. I work hard and I take care of my family and I stretch my budget and plan for the future and I hold up the world. I manage to carve out moments of wonderful and I get to experience awesome, beautiful things. And yet I've had to say goodbye to a dream I once had... even if it's a dream I had no business having....

So perhaps someone read those quotes and misunderstood what I was talking about? I don't know, maybe not. Either way my life is such that right now, at this moment I don't have a lot to give to an intense relationship. I have a few nights a month not accounted for, I will not marry again before Rebecca goes off to college and I definitely will not have a man in my house while the kids are here. Having said that I would love to go out once in a while, spend time with someone, laugh and talk and share. It would be fun to pop popcorn and watch a movie, take a day trip to the mountains to walk in the autumn color, or make a pot of chili or soup and spend a Saturday watching college football. This still seems like too much to ask for and I wonder if I will ever feel as if I deserve such things....

So that's it... I'm a good girl. I'm honest and sincere, loyal to a fault, I'm easy to please and can find humor in most anything. I love my family and I've placed a huge emphasis in my life on raising kind, exceptionally wonderful kids. I believe in God and His merciful grace and I want to do good in this world - I want my life to be a reflection of the gifts I've been given. I've endured a lot of pain and I've grown from it - I have survived. Oh, and I'd love to see the Gamecocks win a few more this season, well, actually the remainder of their games this season... but even if they don't life goes and on and we live to fight another day!