Awesome!

We saw Wicked tonight and I have to say it was absolutely awesome. I'm not sure what it was like seeing it in New York but I can't imagine it being any better there than it was here - the folks in this production were spot on and didn't miss a beat. Most definitely well worth the money I spent for all of us to see it.

It struck me tonight as we entered the building to see the play that this is something I wouldn't have done five years or so ago. I would have asked ex if he wanted to see it and he would have said no and I would have left it at that. The idea that I would actually do something, on my own, that he didn't want to do would not have happened. To his credit, he would have had no problem with me going - he just wouldn't have gone. I would have denied myself out of some twisted sense to do it without his input would have been fruitless somehow. I'm not explaining it very well I know. I never had any problem with him doing stuff as a guy, with his friends, without me. It was never about being able to separate from the other... life, living, the marriage, became such a disconnect for the two of us and I guess I just felt like to do anything on my own was making more disconnect - and the fact he was doing everything on his own was, in some way, driving my doing nothing. There was no meeting in the middle so in my misguided mind I gave it all up to cancel out his giving nothing up.

The last several years of our marriage we did nothing together. Previously, the majority of what we did do was stuff that he enjoyed - nothing I did. We saw movies he liked because if we didn't he wouldn't want to go. We didn't go to plays, or concerts. We didn't try new or exotic restaurants. I missed out on a lot of stuff I would have enjoyed and that's my fault, not his. I let myself down... and now, I don't... now I do what appeals to me and I like it.

That was my thought this evening... and as I watched the play I thought of something someone had told me when he saw it. It's interesting when one person's experiences run so parallel with someone elses. I wonder if those two parallel lines could ever converge at some point... a nudge of that line, ever so slightly in the direction of the other, is all it would take. I wonder...