Okie Dokie

Well... I see it has been six days since I last posted. Ouch. I guess after coming down from the month long posting I needed a break. Life is back in full swing now which means evening exhaustion sets in early. Once we return from dance and eat, wash a load of clothes, put my jammies on and wash my face... make sure homework is done... I'm ready for beddy-bye. Dream Land. Sleepy Time. Ya feel me? Ya pickin' up what I'm layin' down? I thought so .

I'm trying to get all things ready for our yearly pilgrimage to the dance mecca of South Carolina - Myrtle Beach (lol). We trek across the state to spend a weekend of back to back to back to back dance classes. It's long, it's exhausting, it's a blast. Folks will say I'm living too much through my daughter but hey, I enjoy it myself. It's fun to watch Rebecca dance, fun to watch the dancers who teach these master classes. Several of us, including Allyson the studio owner, rent a house on the beach. It's great company - we all just hang out and laugh and talk. Spending this time with Rebecca is a great privilege - one day, a few years from now, we won't be planning this trip anymore so I'm enjoying it all while I can. We sing and talk while I drive the three and a half hour haul and I really believe these little excursions of ours have kept us grounded and close. It's been a big part of what's kept us both sane during and after the divorce. I'm not an expert by any means but I think it's worked for us. The kids are in such a great place because I have invested this time and energy into them. I'm in a great place partly because I've invested this time and energy into them. Win/Win - eh?

Me, well, I'm still pluggin' along. Things are still good. Work is stressful this week with court on Thursday - and a few snags dealing with that. I'm having a tiny dilemma with a dear friend - someone who keeps beating a dead horse - holding on to behavior that's destructive and self defeating - and I understand it all too well. When someone goes through a divorce there is this hole - this emptiness - that needs to be filled - it aches to be filled. The pain is so great... and people respond to it in any way that appears to fill it. It's desperation... and here's the thing, the therapist backs me up on this. She called it desperation and I said OMG - that's it, exactly - the perfect, perfect word to describe it. It takes work to realize that the hole can only get filled by yourself... intellectually you can know... but facing the pain and actually feeling it is a different matter. But we all figure it out on our own time, if we do at all... and while it makes me sad for my friend, I don't let it affect me... I can't. I've come too far.

There you have it... me... today... night y'all.