To Cry or Not to Cry... is that the question?

This song makes me bawl... and it's funny because things don't make me cry like they used to... I went through this phase where I cried a lot - oh not so that anyone would ever know or see... I was sneaky about it, couldn't let anyone see me weak ya' know. I've mentioned before how I'd sob in the shower... tears streaming down my face but they mixed with the water in the shower and so it was hard to tell which was which sometimes. I would cry, sob, until the sound would choke in my throat, until there was nothing but silent shaking, and I knew I was done... at least until the next time.

Joshua was in college and Rebecca is a very hard sleeper, a bomb could go off in the house and she'd sleep right through it. The shower was the perfect place... and it would be early early morning, the hardest part of the day for me, the loneliest. And then, at somet point, I guess I cried so much that I just couldn't cry anymore... and I didn't, not for a long while. Something hardened in me and I just couldn't do it anymore - maybe the sadness and the grief was replaced by anger, I don't know... and so for a very long time I didn't cry....

Then it started coming back, the tears... certain moments of mourning - moments unrelated to my ex, or my marriage, or my divorce - would prompt them. Feeling started coming back, like frozen fingers as they begin to thaw... and it was painful. I can cry now... I don't like to do it but I can... it happens at times, sometimes when I least expect it... but it's not sobbing. Sobbing is just so guttural... I've lost the guttural somewhere along the way... now I'm back to just sniffles, tears, and the occasional bawl... all normal stuff really.

...and this line... it's the one that brings the tears: And I wonder if I ever cross your mind - For me it happens all the time...