Degrees of Passion

This little challenge I made for myself is tougher than I thought it would be... so let's see... what have we got tonight?

I love this video: Gamecocks Win. I'm not posting it in a an effort to be obnoxious... it just makes me happy and in my blog I get to do things that make me happy :-)

Rebecca hasn't been feeling well - as I type this she is snoring next to me, her head resting on my shoulder - we were studying for a science test she has tomorrow and she just drifted off. I'm not sure exactly what's wrong. Her nose is stuffy and she says her throat hurts. At the moment she is snoring quite loudly and she twitches every once in a while. Bless her heart. I guess I'll have company in bed tonight.

Up until a year or so ago she would sleep with me several nights a week. Not sure what any experts would say about that. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. She didn't sleep with me because she had to, because of any fear on her part. I think we'd crawl in the bed and read or watch television together and we'd just sort of drift off. It was nice sometimes to have the company - sometimes though it got crowded with her and the dog and the books.... In some ways though that's been the beauty of our new life... we don't have any strict regulated long held ideas of right or wrong. We've sorta winged a lot of what we've done... Lord knows I've made this whole single parenting thing up along the way. It's been important to me for the kids to feel like home was a refuge... a soft place... a comfort. I've let some things slide and been very unyielding on others but I think the kids know which is which. Some things are not negotiable... some things are - they know the difference.

I love my children and want the best for them, always - but I'm not afraid of telling them no, I'm not afraid of making them mad at me... I sorta think that is what's best for them at times. I also get the opportunity to tell them yes on occasion, when appropriate, and witness their joy because of it. Too many yes's with very little no's makes for nothing special. There has to be a balance - a constant balance - a tricky and tiring thing. But there aren't any "do overs" ya know?

The ex said the day he left, "I just want to find passion in my life." Life without passion, I must agree, is a pretty bland and dull existence. It perplexed me, however, because as I looked around the living room that Saturday afternoon at all the pictures of the kids I wondered - how much more passion do you need to find? I thought, if you can't find passion in the faces of your own children then you're never going to find passion in any other experience you have - you'll constantly be looking... forever searching and wondering why everything falls short. I don't think that's a problem I will ever have...