It Is What It Is

Reb is very much upset with me - I ruined this day, this Monday, which was already bad enough because, after all, it is Monday.  She had a dentist appointment and, shock of all shocks, she had a cavity.  The dentist offered to fill it today, there were a few cancellations, so I said sure, why not.  That prompted a hush your mouth look from Rebecca.  Hey, she's the one who cultivated the cavity.  I just nagged her about brushing and flossing and wearing her retainer.  And I was itching to spend $110 on the filling.  I'm a horrible mother.  Horrible. 

I'm struggling with her - not in any real way - not in any crisis or teenage rebellion way - I'm the one struggling.  She's trying to figure it all out.  She's questioning her future and experiencing some anxiety about what decisions she will need to make.  Sometimes that doesn't always translate into action on her part (which contributes to my struggle) but she's pondering and examining and, in typical Rebecca fashion, doing it all on her time table and no one else's.  I've even made her an appointment to see the therapist, just to get a third party perspective, one perhaps she'll be more inclined to listen to as opposed to listening to me.  I'm not always too smart, ya know... I've not, after all, ever been in the same position.

I'm struggling though with what's coming.  It's great, don't get me wrong - it's awesome in fact.  There will be exciting rites of passage.  She'll have prom (although she goes back and forth on that one).  There will be senior pictures and picking photos for her senior yearbook page.  There will be her senior year in dance and lots and lots of bittersweet memories headed our way.  I have to prepare myself.  I have to be in the right frame of mind to embrace it all and encourage her and support her as she finds her way.  I get teary eyed sometimes thinking about it but it's ok.  I can do this!  Her life will change and therefore mine will change too.  But this is what a parent works toward... right?  sigh.

Magical

Something magical happened today - something I really never expected to happen.  I got up this morning and Rebecca and I were scheduled to keep the little kids at church during the worship service.  We got ready - went and hung out with the little people and had fun.  We then had lunch with Joshua and Holly - decided to walk so we changed clothes and met up with them.  Joshua and Rebecca only walked part of the way and Holly and I did four miles.  We hung out for a short time at Joshua and Holly's house then headed home.  I had to cook our Sunday dinner and they'd be over in a few hours. I get home and it hits me - at 4:30 pm - that today would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.  I have not thought about it for weeks and today - it just escaped me until late afternoon.  I seriously did nothing but laugh. 

I never thought a day would come that I'd just forget.  I knew it would get easier - and it has - a lot easier.  I just never thought a time would come when the day would totally escape me.  That's so awesome, honestly. 

I've not blogged a lot lately but I've been thinking about it.  I have thoughts, things to explore and I've not had the time to put it all together.  I'll try soon though...