Argh.

Does anyone know me?  I mean really?  Anyone?  I had the friend who tried to set me up with the fella mentioned in a previous post... and now, now  have another friend trying to set me up with someone else.  Not good - not good at all.  Sheesh.  With friends like these I really don't need an enemy.  Not at all.  Ugh.

Ok, this guy seems nice enough.  Hard working fella - that's a plus.  He has two grown sons - one's a cop and the other a fire fighter.  His wife, apparently, cheated on him and he's done the lion's share of raising his boys.  My friend says he's a very nice guy and I have no doubt that's true.  She wants to know why I have reservations.  Well, I did check out his facebook like she told me to and he friend requested me and I accepted it.  He lives a very different kind of life than I do.  First off - something he has no control over - but his son is engaged to a girl I just can't stand.  The idea of spending time with her does not appeal to me at all.  Then there is the fact he likes auto racing.  This is something I detest.  I know there are people out there that love it - live by it.  Me, I don't understand it,  don't have any desire or inclination to want to understand it.  The whole culture surrounding it turns my stomach.  Hey, more power to those folks who love it - I'm just not one of them. 

He smokes.  That's a big deal to me also.  My ex did and I hated it.  I never "let" him smoke in the house.  That's how he looked at it.  Me, I looked at it like I was doing what  could to keep me and the kids as under exposed to it as possible.  I hate the way it smells and don't want my clothes or house or me smelling of it.  I don't want my kids smelling of it either.  I don't want to spend time some place where I come away smelling of it.  If people choose to smoke that's their prerogative.  I don't enjoy the smell of it on someone else and I don't enjoy the taste of it. Smoking was a big part of what I did not find attractive about my ex.  I did not enjoy smelling it on him and I did not enjoy kissing him.  Smell is a big sensual to me... I want natural smell and I love the smell of a nice cologne but I actually find repulsion in the smell of cigarette smoke.  Smoking also seems to be a big preoccupation with people who engage in that habit.  They spend a lot of time making time to do it.  It's almost impossible to find a place that will allow you to smoke - and I'm not interested in sitting down to a nice dinner where the smell of smoke overpowers the smell and taste of the food.

My friend, she says I should give him a chance because he's a nice guy.  I've tried to tell her I don't dispute him being a nice guy - I just don't think he's someone I'm compatible with at this time in my life.  She said I should learn to like new things.  That's just it though, auto racing - it's not a new thing.  Soccer, now that would be a new thing for me.  There was a time in my life I had never experienced hockey and then I had the opportunity to go to a game and it was fun.  It's not something I seek out now, it's not something I follow closely but I can find enjoyment in it, especially when I share the experience with someone else.  Auto racing I have experienced.  There was nothing about it I found fun - not the races or cars or personalities nor did I find enjoyment in the culture that surrounds it.  Sharing the experience with someone is not going to change my deep, abiding dislike for the "sport."

And here's my thing about "learning to like new things."  I like the things I like - it took me a really long time to let myself do that - like the things  like.  I want to spend time with someone who likes the things I like too.  Not someone who learns to like the things I like but someone who genuinely likes the things I like.  I'm open to new experiences, yeah - but I'd like to share those things I like with someone who likes them too - someone  I like who likes me.  I'm looking for a kindred spirit I suppose.  I'm too old to settle for anything less...  I'm too old to reinvent myself... I'm too old to adapt myself to someone else's likes.  I've spend too many years denying what I like, down playing it, and doing without.  I won't do that anymore.  I won't.  I know what I want... I may not be able to completely articulate it to someone else what I want but I know, and I'll know when I meet it. And I know when  have met it - even if having it isn't possible right now.  Timing is a bitch... but bad timing isn't an excuse for poor choices.  Like I've said before - I'd rather be alone for all the right reasons than with someone for all the wrong ones.  Just because someone is nice doesn't mean he's right for me.