So Predictable

You know that old adage: eyes in the back of her head? My mom would always say that to my brother and me when we’d be express our amazement over her catching us doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing. She’d always seem to know – like she was omniscient or something! We’d no sooner start getting into something we were more than likely not supposed to be getting into and we’d hear her voice questioning us. I can remember on occasion just looking at my brother and saying, “How on earth did she know?” I didn’t get it until I was older and had children of my own… and then it was clear as it could be how she knew – and, of course, it had nothing to do with eyes in the back of her head.

My kids would sometimes question me when I would catch them too… and I’d laugh, repeat that line, and smile to myself – and my kids, probably smarter and more savvy than my brother and me, would say something like, “Umm… no, really, how did you know?” And I would tell them the truth: kids are predictable. We aren’t really all that clever and unique, none of us. Kids try the same stuff – over and over again… and it’s ok, really, because that’s how they learn. They try it, they get held accountable for it, they suffer whatever appropriate consequence, and they learn. My theory on parenting anyway –

But it’s occurred to me recently that adults are no different – someone said to me a few months back, “You have an instinct about stuff, you ask questions when you already know the answers” or something to that effect… and it’s not so much that really but, perhaps, more that people are predictable – we do the same stuff over and over -we aren’t really all that unique. And perhaps when I ask questions and am looking for answers when I might already know them I’m simply trying to get someone to be honest with me. That could be wrong though, I might be looking for verification or some sort of proof that my thinking isn’t flawed. You see if every time in the past this same thing has happened and if every time in the past the reason has been because of this one thing, then the likelihood it’s happening now is all the same. It’s logic – it can be predicted. Just because one variable is changed doesn’t mean the outcome is changed. There is a pattern to life, it’s all human nature… the human condition so to speak… and it never changes.

Some of my ex’s favorite movies are the Matrix movies – and I find them entertaining enough. Ex, I think, looked at them a lot differently than I did. He liked to analyze and pick apart the ideas and philosophy of the themes and finer points conveyed in the brilliant minds of the creators of the movies. He would say sometimes how he wondered if he weren’t asleep, stuck in a pod someplace, trying to break free, and rebelling in some way to the forced existence he was living. Duh, I should have really gotten it then huh? And while I can see how someone could pick it all apart and analyze it the way he did, maybe still does, the one thing in the movie that struck me as the most interesting was the idea that when the machines first took over and placed folks in pods and started farming the innate, natural electrical output people produced, they did so by making life drama free… making the thoughts they placed in their heads all about harmony and peace and perfection. They took the mythical Utopia and turned it into a quasi reality and the minds of the folks in the pods rebelled. Imagine that!

I think there is some truth to that premise though. I don’t think, as human beings, we are comfortable with living a calm, undramatic existence. I think we’re constantly on ever vigilant alert, waiting, wondering, watching. I think we distrust peace. Sad thought huh? And I know, please don’t get me wrong, I know there are people who ache for the calm quite boring moments in life… people who dream of easy and thoughtful and comforting. I think I’m one, for the most part. But it keeps eluding me and I’m not sure if it’s something I’m doing or it’s just how it is. I crave mundane and boring – but I guess the truth is I have it… but, at the same time, I don’t have the comfort of peace because once upon a time I learned there is a disconnect between what is said and what is done. Once upon a time I learned the bottom can fall out and you can lose it all. That’s my predictable. It makes me sad, but it’s the way it is… and nothing, and no one, has proved the logic wrong. This late in the game, I’m not sure anything ever will.