Today marked the first Sunday in Advent. The sanctuary was decorated, the chrisom tree lit and the first purple candle on the Advent wreath illuminate by a family in our congregation.
Things had been going well here... life clipping along, forward momentum achieved... and then it all just stalled out, life on hold - waiting, waiting, waiting. While in church today and then while chatting with a friend I was reminded of what is taking place over the next few weeks - reminded that there is a purpose, a comfort, in the reflection and preparation that can occur if we only clear our minds and focus. I remembered I had written the following at some point during the past year so I've resurrected it - it's a good reminder for me... especially right now. At the time I wrote it I was thinking in terms of a relationship, and while that's still part of it there really is more to the story than that... so...
Perhaps this is my season of Advent too...
The word advent comes from the Latin adventus which means 'coming.' In church during the Christmas season we spend the four Sundays prior to Christmas Eve celebrating Advent. We wait... we watch... we prepare. We know something wonderful is coming. Each Sunday we light a candle. Each Sunday we reflect on a different emotion, a different state of mind, a different attitude: Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. By focusing on these things we ready ourselves for the wonderful gift of Christ.
So maybe this is what I am doing - readying myself for the wonderful gift that is to come my way. The only snag is not knowing exactly what that gift is supposed to be. If it is what my heart desires then it is a life, a relationship, a family, that can be shared. In all honesty I don't think I am meant to be alone. I don't think I am wired for it. I like being in a relationship. I've been on my own for a long time.... I can do it, I am used to it, but it doesn't mean I like it. I do feel like something is missing in my life - not from a reference point that I need a man to make my life whole... but I do want someone with whom I can share my life - the hope, the joy, the love, the peace. Don't worry, I am not going to run out and pick up the first bubba who pays any attention to me though. I know what I want from a relationship - I know what I don't want - and I refuse to settle for any less now. But the fear still remains that I will be alone - a mentality that says to me I never really ever get what I truly want - a mentality that I am destined to have this happiness forever out of my reach.
Therefore my Advent Season has begun I suppose. Maybe if I focus on hope and peace, on joy and love, then perhaps I will be preparing myself for the gift to come my way. It's ok to anticipate it... it's ok to dream about it, long for it even. But the trick, as I see it, is to not get bogged down in it. Preparing doesn't mean sitting stagnant. Preparing means moving forward... gathering the tools and the supplies needed to enjoy and appreciate the gift when it arrives. I like thinking about it like this - I like thinking in terms of hope and peace, in terms of joy and love. I like thinking that focusing on those things, preparing my mind and heart with those emotions can do nothing but serve me well when the time comes. The gift I receive will be met with the gift I have to give.
Perhaps this is my season of Advent too...
The word advent comes from the Latin adventus which means 'coming.' In church during the Christmas season we spend the four Sundays prior to Christmas Eve celebrating Advent. We wait... we watch... we prepare. We know something wonderful is coming. Each Sunday we light a candle. Each Sunday we reflect on a different emotion, a different state of mind, a different attitude: Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love. By focusing on these things we ready ourselves for the wonderful gift of Christ.
So maybe this is what I am doing - readying myself for the wonderful gift that is to come my way. The only snag is not knowing exactly what that gift is supposed to be. If it is what my heart desires then it is a life, a relationship, a family, that can be shared. In all honesty I don't think I am meant to be alone. I don't think I am wired for it. I like being in a relationship. I've been on my own for a long time.... I can do it, I am used to it, but it doesn't mean I like it. I do feel like something is missing in my life - not from a reference point that I need a man to make my life whole... but I do want someone with whom I can share my life - the hope, the joy, the love, the peace. Don't worry, I am not going to run out and pick up the first bubba who pays any attention to me though. I know what I want from a relationship - I know what I don't want - and I refuse to settle for any less now. But the fear still remains that I will be alone - a mentality that says to me I never really ever get what I truly want - a mentality that I am destined to have this happiness forever out of my reach.
Therefore my Advent Season has begun I suppose. Maybe if I focus on hope and peace, on joy and love, then perhaps I will be preparing myself for the gift to come my way. It's ok to anticipate it... it's ok to dream about it, long for it even. But the trick, as I see it, is to not get bogged down in it. Preparing doesn't mean sitting stagnant. Preparing means moving forward... gathering the tools and the supplies needed to enjoy and appreciate the gift when it arrives. I like thinking about it like this - I like thinking in terms of hope and peace, in terms of joy and love. I like thinking that focusing on those things, preparing my mind and heart with those emotions can do nothing but serve me well when the time comes. The gift I receive will be met with the gift I have to give.
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