"Props" to Me

Today I worked at church. It's a pretty good little job and I enjoy it immensely. The secretary substitute thing started a few years ago after I taught the secretary how to use Microsoft Publisher. She had previously used Word do to the weekly newsletter and the Sunday bulletin but, of course, found it to be rather "unforgiving" when it came to placing things and I suggested using Publisher. She said she wanted to but really wasn't too sure about all the ins and outs and asked if I would show her, so one day I did and she never looked back! It was about that time the church session voted to pay an official "sub" for her when she had to be out - someone who could come in and work on the bulletin and newsletter and they asked me. I was flattered - still am - that they trust me, trust my abilities, and prefer having me there to most others... it's a nice atmosphere to work in... I feel quite competent when I'm there.

I worked on the newsletter until about 1:30 and then another lady came in to answer the phones for the afternoon. We chatted for a little while and she, as I've discovered most people tend to do, grew bolder and asked me about the divorce... more specifically about the kids and how much they saw their dad. I answered her... I'm not afraid to give honest, straightforward answers to the questions people ask me. It seems that most people seem to "get" the fact the ex is not well... that there is an underlying mental illness that has played some part in the choices he's made and therefore the demise of our marriage. We talked more... she complimented me on the kids and how well they seem to be doing... she commented on how strong I must be, she said I was a tried and true "steel magnolia" - but in truth I don't really see it like that. I simply did what I had to do... I simply knew I had no other choice but to pick myself up and forge ahead... if I didn't do it no one else was going to... it wasn't all about me... it was about the kids - and while I could have very easily laid down and given up I knew if I did I condemned them to giving up too... I couldn't do that.

It's nice to hear compliments - affirmations from the outside for all the work I've done on the inside. It's a constant reminder of how far I've come... how I've left behind the bitter unhappy woman of a few years ago and how I don't want to ever go back to being her again. There is really still so very much left to do though. This year has felt like a year of "maintenance" for me - a year of holding my own after all the growth of the previous few years. At some point I'll need to pick up again and inch ever closer to being that person I truly want to be... I pray I have the stamina to do it. So props to me I guess... I've come this far... I can go farther still - yes? We'll see!