Serendipity

Not sure the title will reflect completely the content of this entry... the connection is there in my mind but I'm not sure it will come through as I write. But either way I like the word, it's a pretty word. There is a movie by the same name - made in 2001 with John Cusack and Kate Beckensale. I'd never seen it, never even heard of it until this year... I was having a conversation with a few of the ladies at dance (see, I'm always there) and I was describing a meeting, a connection, and lamenting how impossible it was, how ill fated and lost, not in a depressing sort of way just in a wistful, wishful sort of way. One lady, she's older, works at the studio, the aunt of the owner, she said she believes in serendipity and that what will be will be, when something is meant to happen it will. She said, "Baby (she calls everyone baby), just be open to the possibility." And she told me about the movie and then a few weeks later I happened upon it while flipping channels on the television - serendipity anyone? The movie is cute - heart warming I guess, a sweet love story, a happily ever after. And isn't that what we all want - a happily ever after?

Last Friday - the 26th - I went with a friend to see Nights in Rodanthe. I bought and read the book in August after seeing the movie previews. It's your typical Nicholas Sparks book... finding love, an exceptional love - losing that love to circumstances beyond earthly control and yet being a better person because of it. Nights was no different but something about it struck a chord with me... maybe because the female protagonist, Adrienne, is in her 40's and her husband had an affair - that would be enough don't you think? The movie and the book were different in some ways - aren't they always? But the basic tenet was the same: there are two people who've lived lives they thought they were supposed to live... done those things they thought were right, even if it required a sacrifice of self - even if it required them to give up large chunks of themselves. The irony becomes after doing all that, after pouring so much of themselves into others it crumbles and they find themselves alone and lost. As they each, separately, are trying to find their way, figure it out, understand and rediscover who they are, they serendipitously find each other.

They meet and discover an attraction, seeing within the other what's been buried. There is a maturity there - they aren't looking for someone to save them or take them away. They confront each other with the unpleasantness looming in their respective lives - holding a mirror up to see the truth - and then accepting it all with honesty, both individually and together. Before they can be together they have unfinished business to attend to - he needs to heal the relationship with his adult son and she needs to tell her husband she doesn't want to reconcile. They use the time apart to learn about one another - to deepen the relationship until they can be together. They also use the time apart to discover things about themselves. She renews her interest in art, he discovers the human side of being a doctor... they are whole people separate from the other, and yet being together enhances their lives. At the end - which I won't give away but you can sorta guess - Adrienne tells her daughter, "There is a different kind of love - one that gives you courage to be better then you are and that makes you think ANYTHING is possible. I want you to hold out for it." I think there is a lot of truth to that. Too often we settle... we settle for all kinds of reasons - and I'm not saying those reasons aren't legitimate. But once we know it exists - honest love, true love, healthy love - I think it's hard to settle anymore.

I've had a few conversations with friends about love - what it means, what it should be, what is it worth. During one conversation someone made a comment about love - how for some people love is the pursuit of happiness, not the resting in it... and I think that's so beautifully and simply put... I think that's what I long for - the resting. To rest in it though I think you have to be comfortable enough in yourself - happy with who you are and able to freely accept, give and treasure love. If you aren't, if you can't - then love remains an elusive thing... forever longing, forever exhausting. So I'm trying to learn, grow, and become comfortable loving myself... and perhaps, as I do, serendipity is working it's way to me... a grander plan that is coming true.

Oh... and one more thing...

I read the following and it made me smile... it was interesting to see the expressions of love laid out so simply - it kinda fit with my thoughts this afternoon. The list was written by someone unknown in response to the following Bible verses:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

Joy - love smiling
Peace - love resting
Patience - love waiting
Kindness - love showing itself sensitive to others' feelings
Goodness - love making allowances
Faithfulness - love proving constant
Gentleness - love yielding
Self-control - love triumphing over selfish inclinations