On a Roll

I taught myself how to do something today ... a minor accomplishment for most I'm sure but I'm terribly proud of myself... lol... I learned how to make a link open a new window... cool huh? Yeah, that's what I thought... lukewarm response - but hey, that's ok. It made me happy and that's all that matters here at Belle's little ball. Right? Right!

I like music... it's fun stuff... always capable of mirroring an emotional state. Some stuff I can't listen to right now... it makes me unbelievably sad - reminds me of another time and place, a loss that's fading but I'm not sure when that music will ever be ok for me to listen to again - it was so personal, evoking such a connection, mimicking a feeling I'm not sure now was ever real. Listening to that music now reminds me of what I felt, how desired and wanted I was, and it reminds me of just how disposable I ended up being. I hate my own stupidity sometimes. It's to him and my stupidity I dedicate this: Angels of the Silences. Good thing he knows nothing about this blog... he's full of himself enough as it is.

I have a wonderful friend who sends me music... it makes him happy to do so, it makes me happy to receive it. He's struggling (love ya darlin') and I think sharing the music helps him somehow... gives him a connection, a way to share himself, a way to be himself - no repercussions, no fears, no rejection. He's such a huge music fan - such eclectic taste... and a few months ago I was feeling particularly crappy, had lost a lot, all still really fresh, and he sent me a song before I went to bed... a Sony and Cher classic - All I Ever Need Is You - and that song got me through. I can still listen to it today and it makes me smile - reminds me of how loved and valued I felt at that moment. For a little while I felt like it was all gonna be ok... I was gonna be ok. I'm so happy he's my friend. So my dear darlin' I dedicate it backatcha!

And then there is this - First Time - a reminder of someone special... which is a whole other story...